I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize