Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
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It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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