I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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