we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize