Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize