I skipped work to stalk him.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize