I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
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Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize