I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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