You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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