that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
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Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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