How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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