you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize