my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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