He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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