she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
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he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
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Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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