***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just cut my nipple shaving
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
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My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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