I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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