you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
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Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
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Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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