Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
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I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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