yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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