Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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