Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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