I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
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don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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