You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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