eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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