Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
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i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
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My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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