we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
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He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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