Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
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I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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