he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
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This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
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Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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