taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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