READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
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