if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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