Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize