Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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