I am spending my child support on dildos
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize