fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
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I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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