If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
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I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
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We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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