No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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