I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
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I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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