Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
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The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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