If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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