tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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