They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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Even my vagina gasped.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
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Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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