oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
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Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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