i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
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well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
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She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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