Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
sarcasm needs its own font
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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