I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
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Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
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Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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