Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
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You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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