Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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