Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
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i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
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She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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